Daddy, Dearest

My husband is having surgery this morning at Overlake Hospital in Bellevue, WA.  We live in a small community in the other side of Puget Sound and don’t really know Bellevue.  I thought an overnight at a Marriott would be the way to go because the surgery is so early this morning.  I didn’t, however, intend to set us up at a nouveau artsy-fartsy hotel, but that’s what he got:  bathroom doors that slide (but don’t lock), multiple light switches that operate recessed lighting under cabinets (we couldn’t find the light for the whole room), soap balls (as opposed to those little bars of soap), etc.  After taking the hubby to pre-op and meeting with the doctor, I took the boys back to the hotel for breakfast (since I had paid in advance).  Now, when I say, “nouveau”, I mean nouveau.  The breakfast “buffet” was several cheeses on one end, cereals in these big ceramic white balls, and a capuccino bar at the other end.  We got some fruit and what looked like an open-faced breakfast panini and sat down.  The waiter came and we ordered scrambled eggs on toast.  The meal came on small, white, rectangular dishes.  I believe the bread was toasted sourdough ovals.  The eggs had parsley sprigs mixed in and some sort of cheese (I didn’t recognize the name) grated on top.  Under the eggs was a (very) thin layer of prosciutto.

12yo: “What’s that?” (pointing to the green sprigs
 Me:  “I think parsley.  Hard to tell because it’s little sprigs.”
12yo:  “Okay.  And what’s this?” (pointing to the prosciutto)
Me:  “That’s called ‘prosciutto’.  It’s a very fancy and slightly salty ham.” 

Suddenly, the 8yo chimes in, “Really?  Now my life is complete!”

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It’s amusing, the “facts” little ones blurt out.

Tonight, we were watching the “Big Bang Theory” episode where Sheldon tries to take on a traffic court judge and misses seeing Stan Lee at the Comic Book store. The boys got to talking.

9yo: “Who’s better, Jeffrey? Stan Lee or Walt Disney?”
Me: “Walt Disney.”
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8yo: “No…he’s frozen…just like Han Solo!”

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Today, our 8 year old finished up testing to determine if he’s an advanced student. His 2nd grade teacher set this up, saying he should be in a higher class. He IS smart. Any child who constantly lobs factoids at you is just a little encyclopedia soaking it all in.

On the way to the test (the second half), I asked him what he thought about the first phase of testing. “It was easy. I think I got them all right.” Okay, there’s sure, and there’s cocksure. At the test site, I thought it best to deemphasize the stress. I told him, “Remember, if you don’t do well, it’s no big deal. It doesn’t mean anything. Now, go kick ass!”

We were in the car on the way back home and I started to ask about this phase of testing. He thought he might have missed a few, but thought most of it was easy.

Me: “Well… here’s a question: what do you think happens if you didn’t do well?”
Him: “It’s okay. I know I’m still smart.”
Me: “And what happens if you do well?”
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Him: “Does that mean I’ll get harder math homework?”
I thought about this. I didn’t want to frighten him, but we work on honesty.
Me: “Yes…I think so.”
Him: (under his breath) “Yes!!”

Gotta love a kid who loves school!

As the kiddos get older, they want me to teach them how to cook. The youngest two, ages 8 and 9, aren’t old enough to reach the microwave safely (to put things in and take them out), but want to try to set the cook time. Today, the 9 year old insisted on putting his lasagna in the microwave by himself, and setting the time to 1:30. I saw to this and then sat to watch TV. Shortly after, the 9 year old says, “Can I get my food? Can I get my food?”
Me: “I’ll get it when the timer goes off.”
9yo: “Why can’t I get it?”
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9yo: “But I can push the buttons.”
Me: “No doubt. You’ve been pushing my buttons for a long time!”

All four kiddos are home with strep today. Since they feel better than yesterday (despite getting shots in the leg, since I didn’t want Michael to deal with 10 days of medications per child while I’m in Florida), I told them to clean their rooms. While picking up around the living room, I found a pair of sneakers.

Me: “Whose are these?”
10yo: “They’re mine…but I didn’t put them out there.”
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9yo: “Hey, they ARE called ‘sneakers’…”

D’oh!

Ah, the joys of having a school-aged child. Imagine mine, with four.

First, there are the dreadful and dreary school chorus and dance performances. I’ve had to sit through four or five of them so far this school year. The dance ones are by far the worst: Watching Johnny and Mary stomp across the stage, demonstrating “angry”! Here Jimmy and Suzie go, with flailing scarves, representing sadness! Ugh. Give me a scarf and I’ll show you pissed off! The choruses are little better: 30 kids with kazoos, not a one can snap fingers in time to the music. But there are TJ’s parents, whipping out the video camera and filming away. Is this how Scorcese got started?

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So I sit here today, tired after trudging through a report on William Clark, explorer, including helping the 10 year old to do a bullet list of important events, pull pictures from the net, and create a 20×30 poster board for presentation. If there’s any benefit to me from all of this, you could ask me anything…I know all about him now!

I always tell the kiddos “that’s because I know everything. I’m always right.”

Our 9yo has a bad habit of doing laundry on the weekend (yes, we make them do their own) and then complaining by Tuesday that he has no underpants or socks (usually claiming his brother took them all). I should note, he calls them “panties” and I have to correct him, saying “Panties are what girls wear”. Sorry if that sounds sexist, but I was taught that boys wear underpants, girls wear panties. Boys wear trousers, girls wear slacks. Anyway, last weekend, I told the 9yo to lay out all of his clothes for the week so he wouldn’t be missing anything. Today is Friday. Yep.

9yo: “I have no socks! My brother took them all!”
Me: “Didn’t I tell you to lay out all of your clothes for the week?”
9yo: “I did…but I didn’t lay out socks.”

He comes back in with one sock.
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9yo: “I found one sock…I need another.”
Me: “Check the laundry room floor. You always pull your clothes out of the dryer and drop things.”

He runs off, comes back with a second sock on.

9yo: “Jeffrey, how ‘cum you’re always right?”
Me: “It’s a talent, kiddo.”

So the 9 and 10 year old get home from their visit and I advise I saved some Arby’s for them.

10yo: “Oh, no…I can’t eat anything. I almost threw up in class!”
9yo: “I’m not hungry. If I eat anything, I could throw up!”
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9yo: “What kind???”

Yeah…I used to have a “dessert room” in my stomach, too!

It’s Valentine’s Day, the day to express your feelings for loved ones . I gave each of the kiddos a small heart shaped box of chocolates .  The 9 year old turns and says , “Happy  Valentine’s  Day, Jeffrey…now go and put  30 people in jail!”

St. Valentine is somewhere turning over in his grave .

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Today , i planned to make chicken cordon bleu for the boys . But as happens when you have kids , you can never rely on plans to go smoothly . The 9 year old has had eye issues and they thought it was pinkeye. Five days later , no better , so we went back to the doctors . By the time we were done , it was too late to cook dinner , so we stood at McDonald’s.  The 9 year old keep pushing me for a Grand Mac, something bigger than a Big Mac.  He insisted he could eat one .   Amazingly , when it came to figuring out what to get the  8 year old for dinner , the 9 year old instigated that HE shouldn’t get a Big Mac.  “I know  8 year olds… YOUNG 8 year olds, and they can’t finish a Big Mac by themselves !”  Gee… I didn’t realize one year made all that difference in a meal !

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