I’m not normally an emotional person, but my emotions seem to be catching up with me and beating me over the head lately.
I’m remembering the death of my newphew about 20 years ago, who died at 10 days old. I didn’t even cry until the funeral was almost over, and the rest of my family had already lost it. I had to be there for them, and not deal with my own selfish emotional needs.
I’m remembering the death of my dear friend Thom in Salt Lake City, who died from AIDS not too long after I moved to Seattle the first time, and all the other friends I have lost to that dreaded disease over the years.
I remember the death of my step-grandfather, who was a shit-heel of a human being, and tried to rape my mother when she was a teenager. I remember the death of my aunt Billie, which nobody in the extended family bothered to tell us about until after the funeral. I remember my grandmother’s death, and the fact that mom decided to give the funeral a miss since her family treater her like crap. I’m remembering the death of Jeffrey’s aunt, whom I had never even met, yet I was drafted to be a pall-bearer because most of his family couldn’t be bothered to attend the funeral.
I remember the good times, too. The joyous weddings, the births, the other events and rites of passage that we celebrate in life. The fun vacations. The holiday celebrations.
Eventually, it will all even out. Just like the universe, the good and the bad will cancel each other, and a stable equilabrium will be reached.
I just hope it happens soon.
Thanks to you who have emailed me about the previous post. You should already have replies and my heart-felt gratitude.